Thursday, May 29, 2008

Hey there,

It has been ages ago since I wrote my last entry.

I didn’t feel the urge to write, I guess…

Plus my works are constantly filled up my ‘me’ time…

And that leaves me less time to write in this blog…


Entri ini sudah lame berada dalam arkib blog ku ini.
Tapi tak tahu kenapa aku tak meng-‘post’-kannya jugak..


Here goes nothing…


Last night I watched Oprah..

Quite interesting matter discussed.

“How To Look Good Naked”…

The title itself has strike me to continue watching in spite of all those movies at HBO…

“ Oprah is more interesting!”

Anyhow, the guest last night was Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy…

Ring a bell?

Yup it’s the err Not Heterosexual or Homosexual or simply said gay ….

Gay or not, he managed to made me stick like glue to the TV.
(sheesh, like I never did before…duhh)

And yup, he also succeed in making me crying of feeling mere touched.

He made me realized (for a split second) that all the feelings I felt are exaggerated.

That I am actually, BEAUTIFUL, inside out.

Which, not once, did I ever felt….

Pathetic isn’t it?

* * *

Never had I ever feel beautiful or pretty.

Knowing that, I constantly and instantly kill any feelings that I had for the opposite sex.

I know my place…

I don’t deserve it…

He will never love me back.

I knew it all along…

It’s hard to feel positive when you are surrounded by negative energy by people around you.

Unfortunately for me, I live in a society where good looks are everything.
(Who doesn’t?)

* * *

a friend once told me… “Semua benda yang tuhan jadikan tu cantik, nafsu jer yang kata tak cantik”

Dan nafsu jugalah yang membuat aku rasa begini setiap hari, setiap masa setiap detik…

Apa erti cantik buatmu?

Aku sebenarnya seorang yang sangat ceria…
(Well, at least that is how I portray myself)

Outside, people know me as a very cheerful, happy-go-lucky-person.
What they didn’t know, is the fact that how easily I get hurt when people are joking to with me or to me…
Which I always conceal it with a smile or a luaugh….


Definitely not me!

P/s: Aku rasa aku ada Bipolar Disorder..